hana reviews: Akina Nakamori's Femme Fatale (part 2)

or: how one depressive episode made me read all 15 princess diaries novels in six days. Warning: this is even longer than the first part so if you struggled to read that... I apologize in advance.

 

Track 4: Femme Fatale:

白く波打つシーツにくるむ 傷口をいやしていく指先

"wrapped in a white rippling sheet, fingertips that heal a wound"

The last slow song on an album with so many pleasant to listen to slow songs that for the first time I wish there was more of them. Slow songs tend to fall into the trap of being too easy to listen to, to the point where they start to resemble elevator music. It works well for radio hits, but it doesn't work well to establish an artist's identity. This one's in the perfect in-between spot. I could absolutely fall asleep while listening to this because it fades into the background so quickly, but it's still one of the most memorable songs of the album to me. It's something about the way the song is mixed. Her voice blends in with the instrumental for almost the entire song, and at some points it's even drowned out by it. There's no special vocal techniques used to make her voice stand out, except if you count the deep raspy quality her voice has from all her smoking. The way it's mixed makes the song feel like it starts fading out about two minutes in, it's only flaw is that it doesn't fade in so it's not very pleasant to listen to on loop for more than a few times.

I personally think it's ridiculous that a song that was good enough to be the title of the album and a concert was apparently not good enough to be performed live even once. I don't feel like I'm asking for much here just one recorded performance it can even be in 140p as long as the audio quality is decent. But once again short of getting her to come out of her semi-retirement there's nothing much I can do about this other than imagine what a live performance would've looked and sounded like. 

Track 5: I Know 孤独のせい:

I know 孤独のせい 傷ついても戻れない 戻れない

"I know I'm alone, can't get back even if one is hurt irretrievably"

I truly couldn't care less for this song if I tried. It's not even particularly boring but nothing about it makes me want to actively listen to it. I think it has a nice rhythm, the vocals are strong as expected from Akina, and the instrumental is relatively varied. And that is all I can say about it because the second I stop listening to it I instantly forget all of it. 

So instead we will be back to the princess diaries talk, because I remember more of that than how I felt about this song when I first listened to it. If I remember correctly I didn't listen to it again for six days so you can tell it left no impression whatsoever. 

Now on Sunday evening I was done with the first four novels, already doubling my 2020 reading in one weekend. There was a solid chance that I wasn't going to school the next day because of a storm - one that I later found out shut down public transport for the day, so it's not like I could've gone if I wanted to - so I decided to stay up reading my way to novel number seven until 3 am. Horrible idea, I woke up feeling so sick that I couldn't get up out of bed. Retrospectively I think it wasn't the staying up late as much as me feeling like absolute crap because I'd opened the floodgates to reliving so many of the bad experiences I'd been repressing for years but I was still trying to reject the fact that I'd revived my depression for no reason. 

So for Monday morning I was reading book 7, 8 and 9. 7 and 9 are very special volumes to me because they're both about Mia learning how to deal with her depression. Book 7 is her denying that she's not looking for self-actualization, she's just depressed and not looking for help outside of sending letters to the long dead psychologist Dr. Carl Jung ( someone I have a lot of opinions about, very few good but we can get to that at another time ). Book 9 is her being forced into going to therapy after a particularly bad week of depression makes her refuse to leave her house and makes her go back to eating ( low quality, genuinely disgusting ) meat. Book 9 is the only one of the novels I still own a physical copy of, and as mentioned before it's basically falling apart. That's because twelve year old me in lieu of actually reaching out for help with the depression I very obviously struggled with treated this book like replacement therapy. I would finish reading it and then read it again from the start, to the point where even today I can still recite sections of it. I think it did more damage than good in some ways, but I was a lonely child on summer vacation 3000 kilometres away from the few friends that I did have and this book was all I could get at the time with the holiday money my family gave me ( thanks to brutal inflation, two books per summer is also the bulk of what I can afford with my holiday money nowadays. I love my country but evidently it doesn't want me to ). 

I finished book 9, realized I'd kinda dug myself into the same depressive hole I was in six years ago... and decided to not do anything about it. Instead I continued listening to Akina and reading while locked up in my room and avoiding eating more than once a day. Can you tell that my coping mechanisms haven't gotten any better over the last decade of my life despite the attempts of half a dozen therapists ?

Back to Akina.

Track 6: La Liberté:

La Liberteいつかまた還ってくるわ. Ma Liberte しなやかに羽ばたきながら

"La Liberte, I'll be back again sometime.
Ma Liberte, with a flutter of wings"

Aggressive, audibly angry, extremely passionate, yet somehow still underwhelming. It's elements are similar to Tattoo, but the sum of them doesn't add up to the same perfection for some reason. Kind of a disappointment, I feel like with some minor tweaks it could be truly great but unfortunately not all music is made specifically with my taste in mind. It also doesn't help that I was listening to it on repeat while writing the last section so I feel like I've listened to it enough to last me a lifetime.

Somehow this one does have a live performance, which is absolutely shameful. None of the best songs on this album were performed live with the except of Dakishimeteite but other than that all performances from this album are firmly reserved for the more mediocre songs on the album.

Track 7: So Mad:

寂しいから　恋に恋をつなげて 傷ついても　孤独よりましと

"Because I'm lonely, I'll be in love.
It's better to be hurt than to be lonely."

Just because I can understand why this was the promoted single off the album doesn't mean I can't be mad about it. I do think it's a great song, mostly because the subject matter is very relatable to me. I did read a translation for this one the first time I listened to it, because the stage mix video came with Korean subtitles and that was pretty much enough for me to understand. I don't think there's anything in the world that I can relate to as much as the concept of making yourself angry and upset for no reason other than wanting to feel something, and I think this song succeeded with portraying that in a very neutral way. I still think Reversion should've been the promoted single. Like come on, she has like four releases a year not all of them need to be well-received to turn a profit.

Track 8: Paradise Lost:

I listened to this song fifteen times on loop and I still can't remember a single aspect of it. So time for more princess diaries talk ! I am so sorry to anyone that thought I would actually review this album properly but I did warn you.

For whatever reason I can't recall right now I didn't get beyond book 9 on Monday. I know for a fact that I was done with it by noon but we all know how well depression and memory work together. I do remember reading all the companion novels that day, but they're all only about 40 pages so even if I read five I would still have had more than enough time to read another book... Oh well if I can't remember the events of the day now then I guess they're gone. I'm pretty sure I did prepare for the next day of school and even did some homework so I really was convinced that I would somehow sleep my self-imposed depression away. I haven't had an idea that dumb in a while that's a new low even for me. 

As far as I can tell I did absolutely nothing on Tuesday but I did have three friends message me by the end of the day to check up on me and being reminded that I am in fact, not a lonely twelve year old girl any more kinda fixed my depression for long enough that I did go to school the next day. Next day I also finished book 10 and 11 and here is my spoiler free thoughts for the few people that both haven't read the books but for some reason still might want to.

1. Book 10? A lot better now that I can relate to the concept of writing a 400 page historical romance novel as my senior project because I'd rather do that than any of the projects I've had to do this year. 

2. I cannot believe the Saudi girl with a personal body guard lost her virginity before I did like that is just hurtful and I want to personally complain to Meg Cabot about it. I guess last time I read it I figured I'd be further along in that department by now? To be fair I also thought I was straight at the time so what did that bitch know. Nothing. She knew absolutely nothing.

3. Meg Cabot releasing another book five years later is so funny to me like I can't tell if she wanted some extra money or if she just got bored and figured this almost fanfic type novel was worth publishing. 

Back to Akina.I swear I'm almost done.

Track 9: Move Me (Strictly Confidential):

愛のEnergy すべて忘れ とりこになる 乱れて

"Love's energy is all forgotten in chaos."

It has two titles so as far as I'm concerned it's already destined for perfection from the start. As you can tell it doesn't have a (known) live performance so it's one of the better songs on the album. 

It feels like an upbeat version of Blonde. The same strong desperation in her voice but amplified by a strong instrumental instead of being left to stand all on it's own. Personally, I love it. Nothing better than a song that you can sing to while crying that isn't actually sad. It's just one of those songs where the vocal delivery makes up 99% of the song's meaning because the actual lyrics are so completely neutral that they're meaningless. As far as I can tell it's just about sleeping with a guy which makes her almost sad delivery very confusing. More songs where vocal delivery actually matters please, lyrics aren't supposed to be the entire basis of a song otherwise we wouldn't have music it'd just all be poetry. Wish that was something more people understood. 

Track 10: Jive:

気楽な恋も 皮肉な恋も 選ぶ自由は 止められないの

"There's no easy love. There's no ironic love.
I can't give up my freedom to choose."

Another feminist anthem from Akina, we love a women's rights activist! 80s dance songs about being independent and not settling for love are the backbone of the women's rights movement and should be recognized as such in my opinion. 

This song starts off so fun and there's this almost 8-bit like sound running through the entire song that makes me very happy while listening. I think this song is art, I think it's the type of upbeat song we need more of on the radio right now, and I would like for people to start covering this. Of course the only Akina covers I've ever seen were Shizuka's Desire cover and Jaejoong's Second Love cover but who knows maybe she'll have another surprising hit single in the next years and there's a revival of all her songs. A girl can dream. 

To summarize: Femme Fatale is one of Akina's best albums because of the variety in sounds and I respect her for releasing something that did not fit with the current pop music landscape at all even thought it led to very limited promotion. It has many of her best bsides in my opinion, and one day when I'm through with her discography it'll probably still be just as highly ranked if not higher. 

Thank you all very much for reading all this I promise anything else I write will be just as chaotic and all over the place but I hope you enjoyed it anyway!